


and the stars were dead

by whispersbrave



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 07:47:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1850095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispersbrave/pseuds/whispersbrave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he wasn't ever going to return to bradford, he had promised himself that once he left the small town. but as they say: he could run from his problems but never hide. it was time to face the music and some new tunes too:</p>
            </blockquote>





	and the stars were dead

**Author's Note:**

> 1, so some trigger warnings: there are mentions of abuse, so if they are triggering close the tab.  
> 2, my geographical knowledge of the uk is all sorts of ehs and uhs so there is a lack of accuracy, but it's a fanfiction so geographical accuracy doesnt really matter, now does it?  
> 3, same with medical accuracy. my medical knowledge stems from freshman/sophomore biology cloasses and house md and greys anatomy and other sorts of medical knowledge that gets passed around.  
> 4, a very badly written piece, do not read. 
> 
> disclaimer: i do not own one direction. this is a piece of fiction written for fun, and nothing else. keep the fourth wall intact please.

being a doctor, liam realises was probably the worst decision he ever made. he stumbles into his apartment - it's a good apartment, one that he shares with harry and niall, and between their salaries they can afford a damn good place - exhausted and drained. sitting in on two surgeries back to back, being on duty for six hours in the emergency ward, does take it's toll on liam.

he throws his coat with his wallet and cellphone on the sofa across from the television, and after a hefty dish of some meatballs that were left over from the night before, liam falls into his bed. his bed is so fucking inviting.

and it feels like five minutes later when there is a thunderous knock on his door and niall's voice booming through the door: "payne, there's a call for you. wake up before i break the door." (for a doctor wanting to be a child specialist, niall was very loud and intimidating.)

"payne."

"coming," liam calls out through a yawn as he begrudgingly pushes himself out of the bed and towards the door. on the other side, when liam opens the door, is niall horan. blonde, shirtless and sporting a pair of shorts that are definitely a size too big. with a "it's some woman asking for you," niall shoves liam's iphone in his hands and walks away.

"hello?" liam asks, groggily. knowing it's not his mum: his mum doesn't call until liam tells her to.

"liam? son, is that you?" it's not his mum, but it might just be. he's heard the stern in that voice more often than he's heard his own mother's. he's heard the pride in this voice when liam got into king's university.

patricia malik may not be his biological mother, but liam considers (considered) her as one for eighteen years of his life.

"yeah, it's me, trish. are mum and dad, okay?" liam asks, because trish could only be calling if something happened to his parents. seeing, her son and liam weren't exactly on talking terms anymore.

 "your parents are fine, superb actually. but it's zayn." 

\--- -

liam hates that his past still has such strong grasp on him. that his past friendships are still able to control him.

because if it were up to him, liam would have said fuck it, gone back to bed and slept nicely for a long day at work.

but the 'zayn, love, is in trouble. and it's killing us, to call you and bother you, but we're desperate' has him packing up his bags and leaving his apartment in london to catch a train to bradford.

\--- -

 

he calls louis on his way to the train station, the next morning. louis who picks up the phone no less than three rings later, with a "thought i'd never see your name on my screen again" and a laugh.

"trish called."

 "oh." 

"yeah. why didn't you tell me?" liam asks, he knows the answer though: 

zayn and him weren't talking, after the fight they had. zayn had told liam never to return after he had left, and liam himself told zayn that if he wants to ever talk to him again, he'd have to cross liam's dead body. how was anyone meant to tell him, anyway? 

"i- it isn't really a small talk conversation. oh hey liam, how's life? how's the weather up in london? oh, and zayn is kind of in the hospital, but you know when are you coming back?" louis is a sarcastic piece of shit who makes liam feel dreadful. 

"you should have told me," liam repeats, because louis should have. louis should have told liam. 

(because liam is too proud).

"liam, it's not like we're the best of friends anymore, anyway," louis mumbles. "it's okay, you don't need to worry. we're managing it, to be honest."

"is that why trish called me, asking me to come?"

"i don't know why she called you, because zayn is going to be pissed at her."

"i'm on my way, to bradford," liam states.

 "because of zayn?" louis asks.

 "because trish asked me to," liam replies.

 "and what would you do if he kicks your sorry ass out, because he is still extremely pissed about it," liam can feel louis shrug.

 "bradford is my home too, he can't forbid me to come there when my family lives there," is true, but it's a lie.

 a lie that louis catches on: "you haven't been home in ten years, liam."

 "well, this situation was never taken into consideration, louis! i'm stubborn and proud but not when my friend is suffering, you asshole."

(liam knows that louis is right in his own right. eighteen year old liam had been quite a shit friend to zayn at that time; rude and obnoxious. but that doesn't mean, that when liam left, he stopped caring. ten birthdays had gone by, and liam's fingers had hovered above the call next to zayn but he was never to brave enough to).

louis sighs audibly, "alright, but as far as he is concerned, i didn't know you were back."

\--- - 

_the window next to liam's bed was shut tight on that winter night. his midterms had been right around the corner, and liam had been freaking out. just slightly, compared to liam's usual nervous breakdowns._

_a biology book was propped against his knees, which were pulled up against his chest, and his back was resting against the bed post. it was opened to the central nervous system chapter, something that just went over liam's head. that night, liam had vowed to complete it properly._

_he was half way learning the parts of the brain and it's functions, when there was a tap on his window. the tapping made liam groan, for he'd never understood why the tapper wouldn't just use the front door. because climbing a tree and into his room, wasn't easier than walking through the front door which was always open for zayn malik._

_shaking his head, liam placed his book on the floor next to his place, and got up to let zayn in before he physically hurt himself._

_zayn never exercised, he actually ran in the other direction, but climbing trees into liam's room was never a big problem._

_when liam pushed open the windows, zayn came in, quite elegantly too. but when does zayn ever not do things elegantly._

_"leeyum, you're coming with us." zayn's accent is thicker than usual, and liam can tell he was probably smoking up at anthony's house. zayn isn't much of a joint smoker, he prefers his cigarettes more, but when he does smoke weed it's always obvious. at least to liam it is. zayn gets slower: his voice drawls, his reactions are slower, his eyes are duller. and for somebody who has loved zayn for as long as he can remember, those are quite obvious traits._

_"nope, i'm not. i have midterms to study for. we all can't be zayn malik, acing our exams without even glancing at a book," liam had muttered and turned away from the window and towards his biology book taunting him._

_"what does that mean?" zayn had asked, his eyes narrowed._

_"nothing, zayn. you're brilliant, i'm not. i have to work insanely hard, you don't."_

_"it obviously means something," zayn had said, hovering near the window. "i'm going to leave."_

_"all it means is nothing. yeah, do that."_

_"it's not fucking fair!" zayn had whirled around, evidently much more sober than he had been previously. "you treat me like shit. you get under pressure from your parents and you take it out on me. it's annoying. it's not my fault that i get good grades when you study so hard just to scrape by. you get pissed at me for nothing! you know i have helped you, tried to anyway but you're so fucking proud of yourself to actually accept it. it's not my fault. don't think i haven't noticed the glares you give me every time me and louis do something you don't approve of. you're fucking perfect, we get that. but don't judge me like i'm a problem to be solved. i'm not. I don't need you to solve me. i don't need you saving me."_

_and zayn had left, without hearing the "you don't get to pretend that you understand me" that had left liam's lips.//_

_\--- -_

memories are haunting.

\--- -

liam gets off at the bradford station. the station is still the same, perhaps better equipment, but it's still the station that liam got on all those years ago.

and there is his father, geoff payne, standing and waiting for his son with the biggest smile on his face. it's more than a smile: it's pride, and happiness, and worry all mixed into one.

"dad," liam grins as he puts his bags down and hugs his father.

"it's good to have you home, son." his dad offers him a small smile and a pat on the back, as liam bends down to pick up his bags.

liam glances around, once his bag is over his shoulder, "it's been way too long."

his father chuckles, "and who's at fault there?"

me, liam thinks.

"come on, let's go home. your mum has prepared some grilled chicken panini for you, as welcome home meal," geoff grins, he knows how much liam loves panini, especially his mother's. it actually heaven, according to Liam's judgement. and even, harry's doesn't come close to it. that being said: harry is a damn good cook, amazing if liam is being honest.

on his way home his father fills the silence, asking him about london. do you have a girl there? a boy, maybe? how's life there? must be so extremely different than the life in the small city of bradford.

and liam thinks, despite the years that have passed, many things haven't changed.

his father tells him about his brother in law, martin, who liam hasn't met because liam never got a chance to come back for the wedding. martin, apparently, looks at nicole as if the world starts and ends with her.

he learns about ruth's twins, he's seen pictures. his whatsapp is full of every moment of the twins' lives over the past eighteen months, but he finds out about how dylan sleeps through the night, and how george kept his mother and father up all night that one saturday when kyle and ruth had slipped out for a night out.

his father tells him about zayn's family. how little saf is applying to universities, and yaser has been putting off the college tour because he doesn't want to face the truth: his youngest daughter is also growing up.

trish started up her own restaurant. something, she's always wanted to do. and once, three out of her four kids were settled in their own lives, she figured it's never too late to follow her dreams. so, that's exactly what she did.

waliyha is in the last year of uni, she's studying to be a doctor. following in the footsteps of liam, the maliks joke, apparently. doniya is a mother of two wonderful girls: tanya and alina.

his father skips over zayn.

liam notices.

he flinches.

louis, liam knows about, but his father still talks about how "that boy is such a puzzle" because he works three jobs, not because he is having financial problems, but because he feels like he needs to keep his options open. at twenty eight, he needs to keep his options open.

"how's zayn?" liam has to ask, when they stop in front of their house. a two story, grey brick house with a large and vibrant garden welcoming liam with bright greens, and saturated oranges, and dark blues, striking purples and pinks.

"liam, don't worry about zayn." 

he already is, isn't he.

"dad."

"he's, i don't know, son. i haven't spoken to him in six months. haven't seen him in a year. but, from what yaser tells me, it's not good."

"but, why didn't you guys try to stop it?" liam needs answers.

"it's not that easy, son," geoff turns the engine off, "look, we all found out too late. we couldn't do anything about it. he was too far gone. he stopped coming round for dinners, it became really hard to keep an eye on him and help him when he won't even talk to us," his father says, looking straight ahead. "it was really hard for yaser and trish, liam."

"louis?"

"well- louis knew, he knew for sometime before us, or had a feeling about, but he never told anyone. he wasn't sure. liam, son, you have to understand. we all were worried sick and we didn't know what to do. it was such a surprise, you know? one day everything was fine, and the next we find out that this is what is happening in his life. trish and yaser's life collapsed. it was kept away from waliyha and safaa, until they went over to his place to find him. liam. you haven't spoken to him in ten years, you really believe that you could help him?"

"trish and yaser think i can," liam mutters.

"liam."

liam just opens the car door and steps out, and walks down the stone pathway leading up to the brown wooden door.

all the while his father just watches, a sad and soft look on his face.

the reason liam became a doctor was so he could help people. so he could save people. and geoff raised his son to fight for what he believed in. to fight for people he cared for. he's aware of the job he did; and how liam will not back down until he helps zayn.

whether zayn wants it or not.

 liam is stubborn.

 the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all.

liam is wrapped up in his mother's arms, bent awkwardly as he tries to make the hug comfortable for his mother. his heart feels heavy when his mother's tears wet his t-shirt, and he clutches her tighter and murmurs a 'mum' - his mother shushes him.

when his mother pulls away she's sporting a soft smile that lights up her face, "go wash up, i have made paninis for you, go on."

and liam does.

he washes his face in his tiny bathroom attached to his room, and takes a quick warm shower. all the while thinking of how life has changed for him in london. life in london for him passes by in a haze, daily encounters with unfamiliar faces, hours just passing by in a blink. but bradford, it's the same. the same people around town, doing the same things, and just - liam can feel himself being an outsider. people know one another, have known one another for decades, but.

but, liam's looking in from the outside, despite being a part of it all.

home doesn't even feel like home.

funnily enough, london never felt like home either.

it scares liam.

he's sitting across from his mother answering questions about london, "boyfriends or girlfriends that we should know about, liam?"

only his parents, and harry and niall, know of his bisexuality. he had realised it amidst of studying medicine in an unknown city, sharing an apartment with two people who were so similar to louis and zayn in mischief and comfort. and he told his parents, a year after when they were staying with him. he was nineteen and clutching his mother, in tears, because he was so scared.

 he hadn't told anyone, louis and zayn had shut him out, his parents were the only thing tethering him to sanity.

 and his parents had rubbed his back, with a 'son, you love who you love. we would never hold it against you. people exist so you can love them, so they can brighten up your days. it doesn't change, the feeling, if it's a boy or a girl.'

liam chuckles, "no, mum. i'm buried deep at the hospital till ten in the night, i don't have the time."

"you aren't embarrassed to introduce us to anyone, are you?" geoff laughs.

"yes, i'm embarrassed to introduce you to a person who doesn't exist," liam mutters sarcastically, rolling his eyes, smiling to himself. 

his parents erupt in laughs.

"i'm heading off to zayn's old house, i'll be back in an hour or so," liam calls out as he grabs his set of keys from the bowl on the table next to the door.

he walks down the path that is ever so familiar to him. the same pathway that liam had first told zayn that he got accepted into his dream university in london, zayn had grinned and hooted and patted liam on the back. it was the same pathway that zayn had told liam he was staying in bradford - his dreams to leave the small town, and never coming back were not to be followed.

liam shakes the thought out of his mind and continues walking until e reaches a red mailbox, with a yellow maliks running down the side. zayn's handwriting, liam concludes as he traces it standing awkwardly in the driveway he has ran down with no care in the world.

it's a scary thought, how out of place he feels.

he's shuffling on his feet, half turned away from the house he knows like the back of his own hand. or knew. when he hears a "liam?"

he whirls around, facing the house entirely, and finds a familiar face staring up at him.

safaa.

safaa who isn't the chubby little seven year old anymore; but a tall, elegant, gorgeous seventeen year old. and it dawns on liam that he missed out on so much.

 "liam, hey. i figured it was you," she says, her voice isn't so familiar to liam, but her small smile, her green eyes, her dark brown curls that are flowing past her shoulders are.

 "hey, kid," liam says, wrapping his arms around her when she runs over and hugs him tight.

 "god, i've missed you so much," she murmurs, "you were meant to call me! you promised that even if zayn and you weren't friends anymore, you'd call!" she smacks his stomach, and his arms, before hugging him again.

"sorry, kiddo," he kisses her forehead, and pulls away. "i'll take you out to london, for a whole weekend to make up for it, alright? but are your parents home?"

"nope. mama is at the restaurant, and baba is at the office," she says. "come on in, let me make you coffee or something."

"it's fine, just tell your mum that i stopped by?"

 "it's about bhai, isn't it? she called you." it's a statement rather than a question, and liam nods.

 "well-" she glances back at the house, "bhai is inside, if you want to come in. i'm sure he misses you."

 "yeah right," liam scoffs, and safaa gives him a pointed glare.

"let me rephrase it, come in and you have no choice."

 ten years, and the kid is bossing him around.

 "you're bossy," liam mutters, teasing obvious in his tone.

 "you're an idiot."

 she pulls him towards the house. drags him, against his will, would be a better term for this action to be honest.

 liam is greeted with a warm, spicy smell of chicken qorma, and zayn's thick voice calling safaa out, telling her to come down for lunch.

"bhai, look who's here," safaa says, excitedly, as she pushes liam forward.

"if it's louis, he can shove -" zayn stops dead in his tracks when he looks up away from the setting of the table for two. "liam," he breathes, and it's not a breath of relief but the way zayn says it, his name, it sounds more like an insult.

then,

zayn is looking at safaa, unfamiliar words and sounds being thrown out hurriedly; urdu, liam realises. he's heard zayn speak it quite often, when he tried teaching liam the language. they failed miserably, because liam's tongue wouldn't curl around the soft letters, he couldn't understand the difference between two letters sounding exactly the same but used for different purposes, he couldn't breath out some of the letters. but it doesn't matter, because liam can guess what zayn is saying; and it's nothing pretty.

 "i'm going to go. saf, tell your parents i came by, alright, kid?" and liam's turning around feeling unwelcome in a home he once considered to be an extension of his own.

 "leeyum. stay," safaa pleads, her eyes round and soft, they're darting between zayn and liam. "bhai, tell liam that you'd like him to stay."

 "saf-"

 "kid-"

 both, zayn and liam are cut off by safaa's pointed glare, daring them to fight with her.

 "stay."

 it's barely a whisper, and if zayn hadn't turned away from liam and faced the wall, liam would have believed that it was a figment of his imagination.

 "for saf."

 -- -

 the sort of lunch (chicken qorma, prepared by zayn himself) that liam eats at the malik household is awkward. safaa, on her behalf, tries to make it as smooth sailing as possible - but it's just not meant to be. zayn and liam's elbows scrape by, and the world stands still as liam expects him to blow up but zayn just shuffles away and gives liam space. safaa brings up the days liam and zayn used to babysit her at the park, and both smile softly reminiscing the good ol' days.

but they don't last forever.

and zayn corners liam, at the end just before liam is about to leave:

"what are you doing here, liam?" zayn asks, his voice collected but sharp.

"it's bradford, zayn. i used to live here too, i can come and go as i please."

"don't come by my place, don't. we're not friends, liam, you made that really clear ten years ago. so, don't try to worm your way back in my life, or my family's. we're done, stay away from my family, or you will see the worst of me, payne."

the thing is:

zayn was always so good with words, even with sharp glares that could cut through diamonds, it was his words that hurt the most. when pissed louis could get physical, get some alcohol in liam and he could be physical too. the two, liam and louis, were never good with words - they didn't even bother trying, but zayn.

zayn's words, when pissed, could break you. they were worse than the poisonous bite of a snake.

and liam has never been immune to that.

"i am not here because i fucking want to be, zayn," liam growls, "there's a reason i left, that reason is you. you can rest knowing this that the only reason i'm here is because your parents called me! there is no reason other than the fact that trish weeped on the phone asking me to come back, you prick. trust me, if i had my way, i wouldn't even be back for your fucking funeral - i have better things to do than worry about the person who made me feel like shit! who made me question everything about myself because he was so pissed off that i couldn't be more like him! and, zayn, there is nothing i want more than never to be like you. you push away people who care about you, you are the worst judge of character and you're a fucking douchebag. and i'm so glad that i had years away from you," liam pauses, his throat raw from all the shouting, his breathing heavy.

"liam payne, always the fucking self righteous asshole," zayn spits.

"like you're any better, zayn malik," liam snarls, and walks right out the house.

\-- -

bradford is haunting.

\-- -

(three days later):

louis drags him up to his place, a modest little apartment with two bedrooms and a large living room. it's a nice place, and with the mismatched furniture, the tornado of chaos and mayhem pull the entire place together to scream louis.

"so, i have leftover macaroni and cheese, and frozen pizza," louis announces as liam sits in from of the television watching a re-run of an episode of game of throne.

"pizza," he calls back and then there is a clatter of plates and a 'fuck' on louis' behalf and a chuckle on liam's.

he's in the middle of the show, and louis in the middle of preparing the frozen pizza, when there is a knock on the door.

"liam, check please!" and liam pushes himself off the sofa and drags himself to the door.

and the sight on the other side is something that liam never wanted to see, or ever see again.

it's zayn. with a busted lip, cradling his arms against his rib cage, scratches and bruises littering his skin, and yeah - liam doesn't, liam can't ever wish this upon his worst enemy let alone on his former best friend.

"zayn, fuck, what happened?" liam murmurs, as he softly pulls zayn inside the house, zayn too disoriented to talk. "louis, i need a first aid kit!"

"seriously, liam? did you stub a toe on your way to the -" louis pauses when he comes in view, and his blues eyes pop when he takes in the scene in from of him, "i swear to god i'm going to kill that son of a bitch."

and then he's near zayn, softly running his hands through his hair, "scale?"

"12," zayn says quietly, wincing when liam pulls his shirt off using the scissors he had found on the coffee table across from the sofa. luckily louis is a disorganised person.

"lou, i need you to-"

"can't, no doctor," zayn says, incoherently.

"shush, zayn. i'm going to look after you, zee. i just need louis to get some things, okay? steady breathes, yeah, babe," liam says, calmly, his voice not echoing the chaos inside of him.

"li- what do i need to get you?"

"i need you to get me your first aid kit, first of all, an old shirt- clean and anything soft that you can find, okay? hurry, you have ten seconds. and get some soup for zayn."

"i'm not -" zayn croaks.

"i know babe, i know. just let me look after you for a bit okay? because if i don't, i will probably go after that guy and beat him senseless," liam says, growling towards the end. 

"don't."

liam opens his mouth to say something and at that very moment, louis thrusts the first aid kit in his hands. "now what?"

"take your phone out and write the names of these pain meds, and other things," liam orders as he falls to his knees in front of the sofa on which zayn is sitting on, and starts working.

he pours out some antiseptic in a partition of the small bowl in the box, and then starts dipping a piece of cloth in it, "this is going to sting a little, okay?" he says to zayn as he brings the cotton bud near the large cut scraped against his bicep, zayn nods, and liam takes that as go.

he sucks in a breath, and whimpers, as liam continues dabbing the cut while louis leaves with a soft smile and a "be right back."

"okay, babe, i need you tell me all the places that hurt."

"water.."

"okay, yeah, hold on," liam murmurs as he gets up a little too fast for a human and jumps to his feet running in to the kitchen fishing out a glass of water.

thirty seconds later, he's back, rubbing soft circles in his back as zayn chugs down the water.

"okay, places that hurt, a lot. like an eight out of ten or more," liam asks.

zayn pats his ribs, and liam sucks in a breath, "does it hurt when you take deep breaths?"

zayn nods.

"we need to get x-rays done, you know this, don't you? rib injuries can cause some other problems," liam says, as he takes out paracetamol and hands it over to zayn to swallow.

"no-"

"zayn-"

"no," zayn is firm, and stubborn, and persistent, and liam just sighs.

"it can lead to other problems, zayn," liam tries but zayn just shakes his head, and looks at liam pointedly. the look would be intimidating only if zayn didn't look so much pain.

"fine. oh god, you're a stubborn guy, zee," liam sighs, seeing no way out of this, "I need to take your pants off," liam mutters

"what," zayn cracks a smile, as he lifts his hips up, "you aren't even going to buy me dinner?"

liam pulls back, a look on his face that screams just how amused liam is - which is not at all. "zayn, no, no times for jokes, okay. you said your thigh hurts, and I need to make sure it's nothing too much to handle. okay? so just- let me help you, okay," liam murmurs as he goes back to taking the pants off; zayn whimpers slightly when the pants get stuck where the blood has dried and liam has to pull the pants off in a rush with a 'sorry'

and then, zayn's sitting in front of him, boxer clad and nothing else, a red hue to his cheeks. liam's breath gets caught, his skin, his hips, every part of him is littered with bruises, and liam has to grip the sofa to make sure he won't punch something. the bruises, they just aren't from today, some are yellow, some are fading, some black and intimidating and liam? liam is scared to touch zayn, just in case he hurts him. he's a doctor, yeah, and if a stranger had come in, he'd be able to manage it with no worry but this? this is zayn.

"liam?"

"hmm?" liam says, being brought back to earth.

"you don't have to, you know, help me. they're going to fade anyway, you don't need to worry," zayn says, softly and weakly.

"no, zayn, that's no- i want to help you, okay? I just don't know- i don't know how to do it without hurting you," liam replies, his fingers ghosting over the plethora of bruises littering his thigh.

"they- liam,-" zayn's cut off by louis coming in, shouting incoherently.

"do you know what i saw that asshole doing? sitting in eleanor's coffee shop, i've never wanted to kill a person more than i want to right now," louis goes on, as he hands liam the packet of things he was asked to bring.

"how're you doing, love? better? did doctor payne patch you up just fine?" louis asks, a small fond smile curving his lips upward.

"you've been waiting to call me that haven't you?" liam chuckles as he uncaps the bottle of pills, and hands two to zayn. "drink up, zayn. pain meds, will numb it down," liam explains as he pours some water in the glass for zayn, and holds it out for him. "and this, it will help you sleep."

zayn just nods, mutely doing whatever liam tells him to do.

zayn's head is throbbing by the time he wakes up. and it takes a couple of moments for him to adjust to his surroundings - louis' guest room, and louis' body sprawled on the bed next to him and liam curled up in a sofa on the other side of the room.

liam-

zayn's stomach churns, guiltily. trish told him, how she called liam (he wasn't too happy about that) and how liam caught the diet train out of london to bradford. for him. for zayn. and liam took the first step forward; and zayn pushed him ten steps back.

but liam still came for him; helped him when he needed it.

something in heart says how it is liam's job to help others and fix them up, how it's something that he has internalised since forever - and how he would have done the same thing for anyone, and stranger, and it's not because it is zayn.

liam just has the heart of gold, and it has nothing to do with zayn.

he gets off the bed, wincing slightly because his whole body aches like a bitch, and he knows that once he looks into the mirror he will be not so pleasantly surprised with the bruises and cuts that litter his body.

zayn's used to this; charlie and his moods. it's a routine: charlie goes out with friends, gets wasted, comes home, tries to fuck zayn, zayn says no, charlie gets pissed and gets physical, charlie would leave zayn bleeding and bruised and go out again, with enough energy zayn goes to louis' apartment and sleeps it of wrapped up in louis' comforting and loving embrace.

liam is a new admission though.

"you know, i gave you sleeping pills so you could sleep peacefully not wake up at 6.30 in the morning, zayn," the voice is soft, but it's recognisable: liam, but when zayn turns around to look at him, his eyes are still closed and he hasn't moved from his original position.

"i need to go home, charlie is going to be there and i don't feel like pissing him off," zayn mutters as he picks up a shirt lying on the floor - it's not his but liam cut up his shirt yesterday, and louis and him steal each other's clothes all the time - and pulls it over. admittedly, painfully, since his ribs hurt when he moves but no way in hell is he walking down the hall half naked with a plethora of bruises and cute littering his skin.

"zayn-" liam is standing now, dressed in a pair of shorts and a tanktop that really does nothing to help him cover any skin.

"liam, please. don't give me a lecture, okay. this is my life and i've come to accept it," zayn cuts liam off.

"accept it? zayn, are you even listening to yourself. you're crazy amazing, fantastic at everything you do and such a kind person. we may have our differences and i may have been absent for ten years, but even i know that you deserve a guy who would treat you like you're amazing. like you're too good for him. a guy who cooks you dinner and runs a warm bath for you because you had a tough day at work. not- not him, babe. he's a bastard and an asshole," liam has this insane craving to hold zayn's face in his arms, cupped as he looked into his eyes and really drove home the fact that every word that he had said, he meant it. that one moment of stupidness ten years ago, did not mean that liam saw him any less than he did before.

"liam," zayn breaks the silence, "i'm not, okay, you haven't been here for years. you don't know who i am anymore."

"yes, i do."

zayn takes a deep breath, shakes it off and walks away leaving liam alone in louis' guest room.

\--- -

liam doesn't understand anything. he doesn't understand how zayn - opinionated, i-take-no-shit-from-anyone zayn is settling for less than he deserves.

liam may have called him words, long time ago, cracking under stress and pressure and jealousy too.

zayn was his best friend.

but oh, liam had always been jealous of zayn.

zayn wasn't an average person, looks, brains or his heart.

he was sculpted to perfection, their entire school had believed. a straight nose running down his face, chiseled and sharp cheekbones that could cut through diamond. his eyes were literally the windows to his soul; bright and warm, shining through thick and long lashes.

if his beauty wasn't something to be envious of; his brains surely were. first day of school, in their english literature class, their teacher, mr backlebury had picked on zayn and had asked him if he knew what lothario was. thinking that because zayn had been sleeping away in the back of the class between liam and louis, he wouldn't be able to answer the question. not even thirty seconds later, zayn was answering the question, words flowing effortlessly out of his mouth. one might say it was because zayn was passionate about literature, his at the time room had been overflowing with books and comics and there was not a surface without at least a pile of five books. but, his brilliance extended to everything. math, science, economics, name a subject and zayn would be able to answer the question asked. sporting either a bored look or a passionate smile, zayn would take the questioner down.

what he lacked in sports, he made up for with his heart. he may be cocky, proud, confident, had the whole bad-boy thing going in his favour but nobody had a purer heart than the one that rested in zayn. one of liam's favourite memories of zayn was the junior welcome back ball the seniors had held for them. towards the end of the year, a girl liam knew well and liked since she was in most of her classes had had a crush on zayn for a long time. liam had passed it on to zayn, he hadn't promised not to tell zayn so technically he wasn't a bad person, and the next day (two weeks before the ball) zayn had arranged a whole cheesy invitation asking her to the ball. it was a small gesture and one thing liam loved about it was that he could have just ignored it, zayn could have brushed it off as if it were nothing but he did it anyway.

liam had been so envious of him. happy for him, happy to be his friend, but so jealous.

and to see the most amazing person liam knew, settling because he believed he couldn't do any better. that he was settling for a person who had no respect for zayn or his family.

zayn called him to dinner that night. (louis was invited too, but he had a date), while the asshole had been away or supposedly was.

on the phone, zayn said he didn't want to make liam a part of his shit, but he was glad that liam was here, that he had gotten to meet liam once before they all turned old and grey but charlie would only be an asshole to him, like he was to everybody and liam didn't deserve that.

 _you don't either_ , liam thought of every time zayn winced because he moved to fast hurting his ribs, or absently scratched a cut that started to bleed. "yeah, i'll come," liam cheerily had replied.

it scared liam.

it scared liam how zayn was a prisoner in his own body, and in his own mind.

but his relationship with zayn, something he cherished so much, was on the mend. and that dinner had meant so much to liam, because when liam had come forward apologising for those years ago, zayn had pushed him away until he slowly and gradually let liam back in.

the dinner - some spaghetti and meatballs and a glass of wine - extended in to a movie night with old copies of avengers and iron man littering the floor. light and fun, the night had been until charlie came back.

and finding zayn laughing with liam ticks something off in him.

"you asshole," charlie had screamed, and protectively liam had stood up putting himself between zayn and charlie before charlie could lay a finger on zayn. not while liam was in the room. "i treat you so well and this is how you fucking repay me?" slightly shorter than liam, charlie had to stand on his toes to get a look at zayn, and liam scoffs.

"treat him well? are you seriously kidding me?" liam bursts out, no being able to hold it in. who the hell was this guy kidding, liam had cleaned up his messes, watched zayn wince in pain and cry to sleep when the pain inflicted by charlie's words and hands had been too much in louis' arms; sometimes even his.

"liam-"

"no, zayn, he is an asshole and if you think i am going to stand here and let him treat you like crap, you're wrong," liam murmured softly, rubbing zayn's hand that was on his arm.

"who even are you? my cheap boyfriend's fuck boy?" charlie sneers.

"charlie, he- he is just a friend, please, okay," zayn mumbled, quite clearly but softly. "a friend, nobody else, i promise you."

"so why did you wait till i was away to call him over? why didn't you introduce him to me before? your friend louis is always over so why can't he be? huh, you slut," zayn doesn't know what was gonna follow up after that because the next thing he knows is that liam is punching charlie in the face.

"do not fucking talk to him like that, you dick," liam snarls, his body in front of zayn's protectively, "if you actually cared about zayn at all, which you don't because you're a messed up asshole who hits him and calls him names, you would know that zayn is the most loyal person i've ever met. if he's in a relationship with you, which i can't understand because a person like zayn deserves an equally amazing person who treats zayn well, he will fucking stay loyal to you. hasn't he been with you for the past five years now, charlie? tell me how many times did you leave to bleed on the floor without a second look? but he was always here the next day, waiting for you with an apology on his tongue because he believed that he did something wrong. you've ruined him, and you don't deserve him, do you understand?" liam says as he grabs zayn's hand and softly pulls him away from charlie, "also, take you very last look, asshole, because zayn isn't returning to you ever again."

zayn knows, okay he knows, that liam did what he did with good intent but — liam was gone for years, and he’s been back for just two months, that really didn’t give the right to dictate when zayn had had enough. liam didn’t get to walk out of his life making him feel like shit and worthless, and come back acting like he still knew zayn better than anyone.

he didn’t.

and zayn was radiating with anger, not towards charlie as it would be expected but towards liam.

liam was victimising him, and he didn’t need that. he got that from his parents; and he didn’t need liam to barge in trying to save zayn from his distress.

because the position zayn was in, was the best he could ever get.

zayn pulls his hands out of liam’s grasp, roughly, causing liam to whirl around in surprise.

"fuck you," zayn hissess, his eyes narrowed at liam.

"huh, what, why?" liam’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, his nose scrunched up as he tried to put things together but-

"because you are not my saviour, liam, for crying out loud. this is my life, you just can’t break up with my boyfriend for me," zayn paused, "when i don’t want to," zayn stressed every word to emphasise the fact.

"you- you’re telling me you want to go back to him? he treats you like shit, zayn, and you deserve better than that. you’re too good to be called words that are not true," liam exclaimed, his eyes pleading.

"if i remember correctly, liam payne, didn’t you call me a whore, too?" zayn spat, his jaw set tightly. "didn’t you say that i just fuck people to stop feeling alone because i am too scared to actually face the fact that nobody actually cared -"

"you know i didn’t mean that, zayn," liam said softly, "you know that. you know that is not how i see you."

"really, because isn’t that what you said? so tell me, how are you so different than charlie."

"zayn-"

"there’s actually a massive difference between you and charlie, i don’t expect anything from him. but you, you liam were my best friend, and i loved you so much-"

"zayn, we’ve been friends for a long time, you know?"

"and then you said the words that i never thought you of all people would think. louis, i can expect that from him, but you. you fucking broke me. i was wrong, liam, i don’t really want to mend things with you. we’re done. you can leave, tell my parents what you told me. i’m a hopeless case," zayn said, too calmly and liam could feel his heart being ripped out of his chest.

"zayn- fine, you have an issue with me and what i said, but- zayn, don’t throw yourself in a toxic relationship because of something i did," liam is so close to zayn, now, he can even see the tears hanging on to zayn’s long lashes.

"it’s the best i can do, liam. nobody wants damaged goods," zayn smiled, sadly.

liam cups zayn’s face in his hands, feeling the warmth of his face in the palm of his hands, “you, zayn, are not damaged goods. you’re perfect. you’re amazing. you’re quite incredible in every way. and i’ve been in love with you for years,” zayn looks up, his eyes big and round, and liam can feel his heart pounding. “i never told anyone; i was so incredibly scared of being judged and scrutinised, and i was so incredibly jealous of you.”

"you were jealous of me?" zayn asks, softly, "why?"

"you were so confident and brilliant, and you were out, and nobody gave you shit for that which was amazing. people respected you, and what you thought. people craved your attention, and i was just there in the background crushing on the guy who was my best friend, and i was so scared to tell you because i didn’t want to lose you. telling you would also mean that i would have to admit it to myself and that was something i was not ready for. so i lashed out. everything i said that day, was about myself, zayn. i never thought of you like that, not then and not now. i was deflecting because i was scared of getting hurt by you that i ended up hurting you instead. i love you so much, as a best friend, as somebody i would love to come home to and kiss goodnight after a tired day because you’re that person for me. you have no idea how painful the past ten years have been for me; i tried so damn hard to forget you, to forget i loved you so much, to forget that you never need me as much as i need you but you have no idea how impossible that was. days passed, and i never stopped loving you."

liam is breathless by now, and he quite- he didn’t even know that he had felt those things up till now. and as he says it, he realises how true each and every word is. and why he came back instantly - zayn needed him as much as he needed zayn.

"liam-"

"i know this is not what you wanted to hear, ever. especially after you told me to leave and never come back, but i’m telling you this because you deserve to know this. you deserve to know that there is nothing wrong with you and charlie is an asshole taking advantage of your insecurities. i’ll leave tomorrow night, i promise, but before i leave please end things with charlie. kick his ass out of the house, and move away. miles away, i won’t be able to sleep in london, because i would know that you may be in pain."

liam’s eyes are wide, and pleading, and zayn does the one thing he didn’t really think he’d ever do:

he kisses liam.

hard and passionate, and every emotion zayn has ever felt towards liam is whispered against his lips.

anger, love, adoration - name it, and it’s pressed against liam’s soft lips.

there is no struggle for dominance, no fireworks like very fucking rom-coms zayn has watched, but it’s full of emotions. with zayn’s hands holding liam’s face as they continue to kiss, and it’s only when they’re running out of air do they break apart.

"zayn?" liam asks, his tongue licking his lips.

"i- i don’t know why i did that, liam. i’m so sorry," zayn says, his head hung low, "it just felt like the right thing to do."

liam chuckles, awkwardly, “it felt right too. it’s okay.”

"are you two quite finished?" liam and zayn whirl around to find louis resting his back against the wall next to the elevator, eleanor laughing from where she stood, "finally the two of you got your shut together."

"in the middle of the hallway, but you know that’s okay," eleanor chuckles.

"don’t act like you’ve never had heart-to-hearts in the middle of the hallway," liam muttered, a small smile escaping his lips.

"nah, i don’t think i have actually ever done that. have we, el?" louis arches an eyebrow, his lips upturned in a smirk.

"nope, we haven’t," eleanor replies, smiling.

"oh, please, tomlinson. you had a breakdown here a couple of months ago, do you want me to expose what it was about? no? so shut up," zayn grins, as louis makes a face at him throwing him the middle finger and wrapping his arms around eleanor.

"you’re a bad friend, malik."

"i could say the same for you, tomlinson."

 

liam smiles. things may not be perfect, they’re far from perfect actually - one of their biggest problems is less than 10 ft away from them, but. they aren’t where there were fifteen minutes ago. and that’s all that matters.

 


End file.
